1) I don’t know what to say.
I see a lot of authors talking about “How to Plot Your Novel” or “Tips to Good Characterization” but honestly, whenever I try to explain my craft, it comes out a chaotic mess. Which probably means something about how I write my books, but eh, when you’re this crazy, why pick it apart? I spent 4 years in an English major and I’ve taught writing courses and tutor children so you’d think I’d have something to say on the subject. But seriously, if you want to write a book, just write it. If you’re stuck at writer’s block, just keep writing. If you lose motivation, just keep writing. And if you don’t plan to edit your novel, quit now.
2) My life is boring.
Honestly, I’m not that exciting, despite living in the middle of TV Land. Warner Bros. is a block from my house, Disney about two blocks, ABC, Nickelodeon, Lionsgate, HBO, etc. just a few blocks past that. Half my neighbors work in the studios. Me? I stay cooped up indoors all day writing. So unless I’m going to write endless blog entries about how cute my pitbull is (trust me, he’s cute), I don’t got a lot going on. Oh, we built a new fence today. Gripping!
3) I want to keep things upbeat.
I feel if I start blogging a lot, I’ll start ranting a lot. I have a lot of crankiness to offer the world. For one, I just started a new low-carb diet. Low-carb can be rearranged to spell Crab Owl. So yes, I feel like a Crab Owl, which means everything is getting on my nerves. Other authors are getting on my nerves. Amazon is bugging me. My writing is being annoying. My dog keeps barking at nothing from our front porch. There’s construction on my street every morning. My best friend hasn’t called me in a week. So yes, I am irking big time right now.
4) Sometimes, I write half a blog post, then decide it’s stupid.
I sit down filled with all this joyous enthusiasm wanting to share something mushy and meaningful about my writing. And then I get halfway through and think–who the heck wants to read this crap? You guys want my books, not my inner joy-joy monologues. And then I start craving bread and wanting to stuff a whole package of noodles down my face, so I eat snap-peas like a maniac because there’s 6g of sugar per serving. And then I leave my post in drafts because it’s all a bunch of piddly-puddly nonsense.
5) I hate following the crowd.
I’m just not a team player. The moment I see a lot of people doing something, I’m immediately repelled by the activity. This probably comes from all the deep-seated issues I had in highschool with cliques and cool kids and whatever. When I see a lot of people all jumping on the bloggety-blog bandwagon and writers trying to consolidate themselves into any sort of group, I dig in my heels. I became a writer because I didn’t want to be part of any group. It’s a solitary activity devoid of other people and I like that. I don’t have “writer” friends because I’d rather not build any sort of writing posse. (I’m a bit of a hypocrite, since I have a small online close-knit writing group called The Runaway Pen, but I picked those people because they’re awesome, humble, and they’re all really good writers, and let’s face it, self-publishing is hard to do alone.)
6) I don’t know what readers expect of me.
Honestly, my one true love in life is writing, second true love is The Cat’s Eye Chronicles, and third true love are my readers. You guys are awesome. But I have no idea what you would like to read about on this blog. More stuff about the book series? I mean, is that even interesting? Questions? Debates? Vacation updates? My favorite kind of tea? (Peach green tea.) I don’t know. You guys are wonderful but you also confuse and frighten me for various reasons. I want to entertain you, I also want to impress you, I want to revel in the series with you but I also don’t want to seem needy? I hate needy people. And I hate rejection. Please don’t reject me for struggling through carb cravings! Damn I could use a jalepeno cheese bagel right now. GODDAMMIT.
7) Surprise, it’s me, Crash!
I hate blogging. I took over the author’s computer so I could rant about how stupid blogging is, and her dumb low-carb diet, which is driving her nuts. Look at her, she’s crying in the corner right now clutching a loaf of Wonderbread. We didn’t have Wonderbread in the Hive. But right, blogging. What a waste of words. Save it for the story, will you? If you have to update, TL, then talk about me. I’m awesome. I once skinned a tiger and wore the fur for three days so I could infiltrate a Catlin colony (I made that up.) But this is blogging, so I suppose I could make anything up. If I could travel anywhere in the world, it would be India. I want to see the Bodi tree where the Buddha reached Enlightenment. And my dog of choice would be a Great Dane. Or maybe a German Shepherd, they’re pretty vicious. TL, stop eating that bred! Oh Gawd that’s disgusting. Put the loaf down! Oh no now she’s going after the sour dough….
xoxox <3<3 <3<3 Sora here! Crash leave TL alone she’s vomiting up bread in the bathroom right now. She doesn’t need your help. (Brb Crash is trying to force TL to vomit.)